From the moment we say “I do,” we promise that we are going to be one with our significant other. We hear those words ringing in our heads when we promise to be together for better or for worse, and we are determined to stick to it. After some time passes, however, the magic rubs off and reality sets in and that’s when we have to make a decision.
Although we may love our significant other with all our hearts, let’s be realistic. There are going to be times when marriage is not a paradise. When that takes place we can either let it get to us or we can step back, laugh about it and take out our frustrations by posting something witty on Twitter. We are so glad the following tweets showed up in 2016
You are using the [facebook] shortcode wrong. See examples here.
"5 years ago i married my best friend, my soulmate, i love you"
"eat all the leftovers again and i will end you"
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) October 5, 2016
*watching husband sleep*
Me: "I just love him so much, he's my everyth-"
Me: "I can't live like this."
— Six Pack Mom (@Six_Pack_Mom) August 28, 2016
Marriage is essentially two people taking turns pushing down the top of the kitchen garbage so they don't have to take it out.
— Ian Mendes (@ian_mendes) May 20, 2016
My wife is so much better looking than me that a cashier just put a plastic divider down in the middle of our groceries.
— Charles Demers (@charliedemers) January 16, 2016
Text from wife: I'm so sorry, I'm gonna be about half an hour late
Me [forgot we were even meeting, still in bed]: you always do this
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) November 6, 2016
ME: There's no i in team but there is one in pizza
WIFE: so you’re not going to share
ME: I am not going to share
— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) January 18, 2016
My wife & I just snoozed 2 separate alarm clocks for 2.5 hrs. This is the exact relationship I hoped for.
— Cameron Esposito (@cameronesposito) May 18, 2016
Wife: We need milk, eggs, and bread. Write it down.
Me: No need. I'll remember.
[an hour later]
Wife: What did you buy?
Me: A panda.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 6, 2016
"I was just about to do that chore that I see you're starting now"
— Zack (@Mr_Kapowski) May 10, 2016
*pulls curtain back while wife is in the shower*
me: Are we – stop screaming, it's just me- are we out of Cheetos?
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) February 24, 2016
Priest: They've written their vows
Wife: *recites beautiful vows*
Me: *takes out notecard* I love you and cheese the same amount
— Snow (B)ice (@Pro_Jones_) January 10, 2016
Nothing in life can prepare you for how much of marriage is spent just listening to someone cough.
— beth can't with this (@bourgeoisalien) May 3, 2016
[rolls over in bed and whispers to wife]
"I ate like 75 chicken nuggets today"
— Rob (@rockymomax) February 16, 2016
Before I got married I didn't realize "What do you want to watch?" was a rhetorical question
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) May 16, 2016
I bet my husband's favorite thing about me is how I don't order anything and then ask for sips of his drink and snatch his french fries.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) September 29, 2016
Wife: Where are you
Me: The store
W: Don't lie to me
W: I saw the internet history
M: *hangs up* pic.twitter.com/CbhMqKVGkq
— Hip Dad Online (@hardlyrelevant) May 25, 2016
Just put on fancy socks and a night shirt with no food stains so I can try to seduce my husband later.
— Ashley Austrew (@ashleyaustrew) January 23, 2016
I wondered if my wife was asleep so I held my phone a foot over her face and turned it on.
Then I dropped it onto her nose.
She's awake now.
— Bipolar Bear (@_b1p0larbear) October 27, 2016
My husband just texted me from the bathroom and asked me to bring him "A LOT more toilet paper," so yeah, the romance ain't dead people.
— Madame Mumsie (@MUMSIEesq) March 8, 2016
Wife: why are you breathing like that?
Ahh marriage. When you can be questioned for continuing to live.
— Jeff (@usermcuserface) November 29, 2016
Me: I'm exhausted.
Husband: Didn't you take a 2 hour nap?
Me: What do you mean by that?
— Jackie Bouvier (@jackiembouvier) February 16, 2016
Me: I spent HALF as much as YOU usually do on groceries.
[2 hours later]
Me: We have nothing to eat in this house.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) January 9, 2016
Relationship status: My wife asked me what I wanted for dinner and then told me I was wrong.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 22, 2016
Me: Wait, so it's cool for you to use my phone charger but I can't touch yours?
— Rock (@TheMichaelRock) January 28, 2016
[runs to the door to greet wife]
I'm afraid there's been a terrible accident involving all the things you asked me to do today.
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) February 28, 2016
Hey baby it's Friday night, why don't you get into something more comfortable that you can wear all weekend because we have no laundry left.
— Tired Working Mom (@WorkingMom86) January 30, 2016
I need you to be spontaneous. Be predictable. I need intimacy. Give me my space. Load the dishwasher. Not like that.
— Blu (@TwoSapphiresBlu) November 3, 2016
Via: Huffington Post
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